Recognize it
The map
Where people start looking inward: the area of life, and the kind of moment behind it. 401 situations so far.
Partners and dating
Something happened
- “He love bombed me and then pulled away”
- “He cheated on me and somehow it's my fault”
- “He says he'll kill himself if I leave him”
- “I got ghosted after what I thought was a great date”
- “My ex moved on straight away and looks so happy”
It keeps happening
- “He's happy when I'm down and upset when I'm happy”
- “He's so hot and cold with me”
- “He goes silent for days after every fight”
- “My boyfriend is jealous of everyone I talk to”
- “My husband criticizes everything I do”
- “He can't apologize for anything”
- “He turns everything around on me”
- “I need constant reassurance from my partner”
- “He pulls away when I get close”
- “He makes me feel like I'm going crazy”
- “He never asks about me”
- “Why do I keep going back to my ex”
- “My ex keeps texting me even though I've moved on”
- “Why do I always fall for emotionally unavailable men”
- “I lose interest as soon as someone likes me back”
- “My girlfriend goes through my phone”
- “He threatens to break up every time we argue”
- “He compares me to his ex”
- “My partner flirts with other people in front of me”
- “Everything is always my fault in my relationship”
- “He explodes over tiny things”
- “She says she loves me but treats me badly”
- “He's charming in public and cruel at home”
- “He gives me the silent treatment to punish me”
- “I feel like I'm always chasing him”
- “He only wants me when I pull away”
- “I get so anxious when he doesn't text back”
- “He disappears for days and then acts like nothing happened”
- “I can't stop thinking about my ex”
- “He says I'm too sensitive”
- “He makes jokes at my expense”
- “I can't leave even though I know he's bad for me”
- “I always put my partner's needs before mine”
- “He lies about small stupid things”
- “My partner always plays the victim”
- “He gets angry when I go out with my friends”
- “She sulks when she doesn't get her way”
- “He says he needs space all the time”
- “I sabotage every good relationship”
- “I'm scared to be alone so I jump from relationship to relationship”
- “He accuses me of cheating when I haven't done anything”
- “My partner is secretive with his phone”
- “He pressures me for sex and guilt-trips me if I say no”
- “He hurts me and then says sorry and it's perfect for a while”
- “We have the same fight over and over”
- “My wife nags me constantly”
- “He's not affectionate and never says I love you”
- “She shuts down and cries whenever I bring up a problem”
- “He keeps me on the back burner”
- “We break up and get back together over and over”
- “He's jealous of my career”
- “My boyfriend wants to be with me every second”
- “He tells me nobody else would ever want me”
It doesn’t let up
- “My partner controls all the money”
- “I walk on eggshells around my husband”
- “My partner won't commit after years together”
- “My partner is isolating me from my friends and family”
- “I feel like his mother, not his girlfriend”
- “I do everything in the house and he does nothing”
- “He tells me what to wear and who I can see”
- “My partner has no empathy”
- “My partner drinks every night and gets mean”
A feeling with no clear cause
Work
Something happened
- “My boss has gone quiet and ignores my messages”
- “My boss thinks everyone is out to get him”
- “My boss avoids conflict and problems never get dealt with”
- “I got passed over for promotion and I'm bitter”
- “My boss threatens to fire me if I don't do what he says”
- “Work is so bad I don't want to be alive anymore”
Life changed
It keeps happening
- “My boss takes credit for my work”
- “He agrees in meetings and then does the opposite”
- “A colleague keeps undermining me”
- “My employee procrastinates on everything”
- “My team won't speak up in meetings”
- “My CEO can't hear bad news”
- “He's always busy but nothing gets done”
- “My boss blames me for everything that goes wrong”
- “My boss explodes over small things”
- “I can't stop working even on weekends”
- “My employee does the bare minimum”
- “My boss criticizes everything and nothing is ever good enough”
- “I feel small and stupid whenever my boss is in the room”
- “My coworker gets defensive whenever I give feedback”
- “When I raise a problem my boss turns it around on me”
- “My boss denies saying things he clearly said”
- “My colleague sucks up to management and is nasty to everyone below”
- “Everyone on my team just agrees with the boss”
- “My manager can never make a decision”
- “I can't say no to extra work”
- “My boss messages me late at night and expects a reply”
- “Why do I freeze when my boss criticizes me”
- “I replay every meeting in my head for days”
- “Everything is always an emergency with my boss”
- “My boss is brilliant but exhausting to work for”
- “My boss has big plans but never follows through”
- “I keep polishing my work and can't hand it in”
- “My new boss loved me at first and now can't stand me”
- “I feel guilty when I take a day off”
- “Since the reorganization everyone is angry and resisting”
- “My colleague makes digs disguised as jokes”
- “My boss never admits a mistake”
- “My coworker always plays the victim”
- “I work in my family business and can't step out of my dad's shadow”
- “My employee cries whenever I give feedback”
- “I walk on eggshells around my manager”
- “Is my boss a narcissist”
- “My colleague keeps interrupting me in meetings”
- “My direct report keeps going over my head to my boss”
- “My client is never satisfied and keeps changing what they want”
- “My client keeps asking for more without paying”
It doesn’t let up
- “My manager micromanages everything I do”
- “My co-founder and I can't agree on anything anymore”
- “My co-founder won't let go of control”
- “I'm burnt out and dread going to work”
- “Office politics are exhausting”
- “My manager plays favorites”
- “My boss gets weird when I do well”
- “My team blames one person for everything”
- “Our team has turned against the other department”
- “I'm close to a promotion and I keep messing things up”
- “My boss demands total loyalty”
- “My manager guilt-trips me into staying late”
- “I get really anxious before presentations”
- “I hate my job but I can't leave”
- “My boss is nice to my face but trashes me to others”
- “I'm the only one who does any work on my team”
- “My boss is cold and never gives any praise”
- “Someone less competent got promoted because they're confident”
- “My boss is pressuring me to do something unethical”
- “My colleague said they'd kill themselves if they lose this job”
A feeling with no clear cause
Family and friends
Something happened
- “My adult son has cut off contact with me”
- “My dad explodes over the smallest things”
- “My best friend has gone distant and I don't know why”
- “My friend always has to one-up my stories”
- “My dad drinks too much and everyone pretends it's fine”
Life changed
It keeps happening
- “My friend isn't happy for me when something good happens”
- “My mother guilt-trips me every time I say no”
- “My father is never satisfied no matter what I achieve”
- “My sister and I have always competed with each other”
- “My friend only calls me when they need something”
- “My mom makes everything about her”
- “My friend competes with me about everything”
- “My in-laws criticize everything I do”
- “My friend is a people-pleaser and never says what she wants”
- “I'm always the one who reaches out first in my friendships”
- “My mother is jealous of me”
- “My mom calls me constantly and gets upset if I don't answer”
- “My family only gets in touch when they want money”
- “Why do I turn back into a teenager when I visit my parents”
- “Every family Christmas ends in a fight”
- “My friend gossips about me behind my back”
- “My mother denies things that happened in my childhood”
- “When I bring up the past my parents turn it around on me”
- “My mom gives me the silent treatment when I upset her”
- “I feel guilty every time I set a boundary with my parents”
- “Why can't I say no to my family”
- “My brother is the golden child and can do no wrong”
- “My friend puts me down with jokes”
- “My friend is always in crisis and I'm the one who fixes it”
- “Why do I keep ending up with friends who use me”
- “My mother-in-law treats my husband like he's still her little boy”
- “My husband always sides with his mother”
- “My father is cold and never shows any emotion”
- “My family tells me I'm too sensitive”
- “My sister always plays the victim”
- “I feel like the black sheep of my family”
- “My friend never asks me anything about my life”
- “My friend gets jealous when I spend time with other friends”
- “I'm jealous of my friend's success and I hate myself for it”
- “I always feel left out by my friends”
- “My friend ghosted me after years of friendship”
- “My brother keeps saying he doesn't want to be alive anymore”
- “My parent hurt me as a child and now acts like it never happened”
- “I'm 40 and still trying to win my mother's approval”
- “My stepchildren reject me”
- “My friend acts like a different person around different people”
- “My friend gives me advice I didn't ask for and acts superior”
- “My parents never apologize for anything”
- “My friend is always negative and it drains me”
- “My mother calls me selfish whenever I do something for myself”
It doesn’t let up
- “My family pretends nothing is wrong”
- “My parents always favored my brother”
- “I'm the scapegoat in my family”
- “My dad never says he's proud of me”
- “I feel like I have to parent my own mother”
- “My friend dropped me as soon as she got a boyfriend”
- “I resent looking after my aging parents”
- “My teenage daughter hates me”
- “My grown-up children never call me”
- “My mom constantly criticizes how I look”
- “My dad is still controlling even though I'm an adult”
- “My parents keep comparing me to my cousin”
- “My friend always cancels plans at the last minute”
- “I get anxious for days before visiting my family”
- “My mom vents to me about my dad”
- “I feel like I've outgrown my old friends”
- “My friend wants all my attention and can't handle me being busy”
- “My family won't accept that I've changed”
A feeling with no clear cause
Parenting
Something happened
- “My child says they hate me”
- “My adult daughter cut off contact and won't tell me why”
- “My child is missing and I don't know if they're alive”
Life changed
- “I don't feel bonded with my baby”
- “I've been so angry since the baby came”
- “My teenager won't talk to me anymore”
- “I feel guilty going back to work”
- “Our last child left home and the house feels empty”
- “I don't recognize myself since I became a mom”
- “My child's diagnosis changed the life I pictured for us”
- “I want to date again but I don't know how with the kids”
It keeps happening
- “I yell at my kids and then feel terrible”
- “I keep having scary thoughts about my baby getting hurt”
- “My toddler's tantrums make me lose it”
- “My kids fight all the time”
- “My ex badmouths me to our kids”
- “We can't agree on how to raise our kids”
- “I can't stop checking on my kids”
- “I hear my mom's voice when I shout at my kids”
- “My son melts down as soon as he gets home from school”
- “Every bedtime is a battle”
- “I can't ask for help in case they think I can't cope”
- “My kids' dad doesn't show up and I have to pick up the pieces”
- “I'm a single dad and people treat me like the backup parent”
It doesn’t let up
- “I'm so exhausted I resent my own kids”
- “I carry the whole mental load at home”
- “My daughter refuses to go to school”
- “My son is using again and I've lost the person he was”
- “My son is in prison and I grieve him while he's alive”
- “I lost custody and I barely see my kids”
- “I'm a single mom and there's no one to help me”
- “I never get a break from my kids, not even an hour”
- “When I'm sick there's nobody to take over”
- “I'm raising my kids alone and I'm so lonely”
- “I feel judged for being a single mom”
- “I work full time and still can't cover the bills on my own”
- “The help exists but the forms and waiting lists wear me down”
- “Some days I don't know how much longer I can do this alone”
A feeling with no clear cause
Money and survival
Life changed
- “I lost my job and I don't know who I am anymore”
- “I feel like I don't belong in my family now that I earn more”
It keeps happening
- “I can't open my bank statements”
- “I spend money when I'm upset”
- “I can't ask for a raise”
- “I undercharge my clients”
- “We fight about money all the time”
- “My partner hides what they spend”
- “My family keeps borrowing money and never pays it back”
- “I check my investments all day”
- “I keep chasing my losses”
- “I feel guilty spending anything on myself”
- “I measure my worth by how much I earn”
It doesn’t let up
- “I'm ashamed of my debt”
- “I'm stuck in survival mode”
- “My parents still pay for me and I hate it”
- “I stay in a job I hate for the money”
A feeling with no clear cause
Grief and loss
Something happened
- “I haven't cried once since my dad died”
- “People don't understand how much I miss my dog”
- “We had a miscarriage and nobody talks about it”
- “I wasn't there when my dad died”
- “I'm dreading the anniversary of her death”
- “My friend's mom died and I don't know what to say to her”
- “My kids' grandpa died and I don't know how to help them”
- “I'm so angry at my brother for dying”
- “My best friend died by suicide and I keep asking why”
- “My ex died and I don't know if I'm allowed to grieve”
- “Since my wife died I don't want to be here without her”
- “My child died and I don't know how to go on”
- “Our daughter died and I'm scared our marriage won't survive it”
- “My son died of an overdose and I'm ashamed to tell people”
- “My daughter died by suicide and I keep thinking I should have seen it”
- “I ended a wanted pregnancy for medical reasons and I can't grieve it out loud”
Life changed
It keeps happening
- “I can't stop thinking about my mom since she died”
- “I feel guilty when I have a good day since my wife died”
- “Grief hits me out of nowhere in the supermarket”
- “I still talk to my mom out loud even though she's gone”
- “I don't know what to say when people ask how many kids I have”
- “I placed my baby for adoption years ago and I still think about her every day”
It doesn’t let up
- “It's been a year and it hurts as much as the day he died”
- “Everyone expects me to be over my mom's death by now”
- “My wife and I grieve so differently since our son died”
- “I can't bring myself to clear out my husband's things”
- “My mom has dementia and I'm already grieving her”
- “My family is falling apart over my dad's will”
- “People stopped saying my son's name”
- “My grown son died and everyone checks on his wife and kids but nobody checks on me”
- “My child is dying and I'm already grieving”
- “My brother died when we were kids and my parents never came back”
- “I was born after my parents lost a baby and I feel like I'm living for two”
- “We can't have children and everyone around us is pregnant”
LGBTQ+
Something happened
- “I came out and my family acts like it never happened”
- “My parents said I can't come home unless I change”
- “My husband just told me he's gay”
- “My son just told me he's gay and I don't know what I feel”
- “My teenager says they're trans and I'm scared”
- “My daughter says she's trans after her friends did”
- “Did I make my son gay?”
- “My brother came out and our parents won't speak to him”
Life changed
- “I transitioned and now I'm not sure it was right for me”
- “I'm married to a woman and I've realized I'm gay”
- “My child came out as trans and I feel like I'm grieving”
It keeps happening
- “I keep waiting for people to reject me even when they don't”
- “I've spent my life trying to be perfect so nobody would look closer”
- “I went through conversion therapy and I still hear it in my head”
It doesn’t let up
- “I'm gay and I still can't tell my parents”
- “I'm out to my friends but not at work”
- “My faith says who I am is wrong”
- “I'm trans and I'm worn out from explaining myself”
- “I lost so many friends to AIDS and nobody my age understands”
- “My friends are more my family than my family is”
A feeling with no clear cause
Yourself
Something happened
Life changed
It keeps happening
- “Why do I sabotage things when they're going well?”
- “I can't say no to anyone”
- “I overthink everything”
- “Why do I procrastinate on everything?”
- “I explode over small things and then feel ashamed”
- “I keep choosing the same kind of partner”
- “I can't stop scrolling on my phone”
- “I hate being told what to do”
- “I always need to be right”
- “She's high energy and then crashes”
- “I can't be alone”
- “Why do I push people away when they get close?”
- “I'm my own worst critic”
- “I can't make decisions”
- “I compare myself to everyone on Instagram”
- “I'm fine at work but snap at my family”
- “I need everyone to like me”
- “Nothing I do is ever good enough”
- “I'm exhausted and don't care about my job anymore”
- “I drink every night to unwind”
- “I start things and never finish them”
- “I'm too sensitive and cry at everything”
- “I take everything personally”
- “I can't take a compliment”
- “I feel guilty all the time”
- “I always end up rescuing people”
- “I get obsessed with people who don't want me”
- “I feel like I'm watching my life from outside”
- “I'm terrified people will leave me”
- “I hurt myself when I'm upset”
- “I can't sleep because my mind races”
- “My life looks fine but feels pointless”
- “I pretend to be someone I'm not”
- “I'm terrified of failing”
- “I think everyone is judging me”
- “I stay with someone who hurts me”
- “I feel like a burden to everyone”
- “I never ask for help”
- “I lie even when I don't need to”
- “I feel like I don't belong anywhere”
- “I freeze when someone yells at me”
- “I can't stop thinking about embarrassing things I did years ago”
- “She's always anxious and on edge”
- “How do we handle being wrong?”
It doesn’t let up
- “He's been down for months”
- “I work all the time and can't switch off”
- “I hate my body”
- “He's angry all the time lately”
A feeling with no clear cause
- “I feel nothing anymore”
- “I'm jealous of my best friend”
- “I feel like a fraud at work”
- “I'm secretly happy when other people fail”
- “I feel empty after achieving my goals”
- “I feel lonely even when I'm with people”
- “I don't want to live anymore”
- “I don't know who I am”
- “I'm anxious all the time”
- “I apologize for everything”
- “I get panic attacks out of nowhere”
- “Deep down I think I'm special but nobody sees it”
- “I get insanely jealous in relationships”
- “I avoid conflict at all costs”
- “I binge eat when I'm stressed”
- “I don't trust anyone”
- “Everyone irritates me lately”
- “My life is always one crisis after another”
- “I resent my sibling because my parents favored them”
- “I'm in my forties and want to blow up my whole life”
- “He seems flat and emotionless”
Not written yet
- Health and body: a diagnosis, pain, a body that changes, caring for someone ill
- Life stages: leaving school, midlife, retirement, getting old
- Belonging: moving countries, living between cultures, discrimination, friendships ending
- Faith and meaning: losing faith, leaving a group, a practice that unsettles
- Sex and intimacy: desire, compulsion, shame
- Habits: the phone, drinking, spending, food