Situation · Partners and dating
“He pulls away when I get close”
What could be going on
Goes cold after closeness: Check whether distance follows your closest moments, like intimacy, plans or saying I love you.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment: Closeness may feel like a threat to his independence; check how he handles needing anyone.
Fusion versus intimacy: He may fear being swallowed up; check whether closeness feels like losing himself to him.
Pursuer-distancer (demand-withdraw): Check whether your reaching makes him retreat, which makes you reach more.
Fearful-avoidant attachment: Fits if he clearly wants closeness too, then panics when he gets it.
Introversion and extraversion (Jung's original sense): Could be ordinary need to recharge after intense time together; check whether he returns warm.
Questions to carry
- The last time he pulled back, what kind of closeness had happened just before: a talk, a plan, a touch?
- As I feel him pull back, what is the first thing I reach for?
Also said as
- every time we get closer he backs off
- the more I open up the more distant she gets
- why does my boyfriend withdraw after a really good weekend
- he gets weird after we say I love you
- my partner withdraws when we get intimate
- she gets distant after we have a great time together