Situation · Partners and dating
“I lose interest as soon as someone likes me back”
What could be going on
Dismissive-avoidant attachment: Closeness may feel threatening, so attraction drops when it becomes real; check if you prize independence.
Defectiveness/shame schema: Fits if part of you thinks anyone who likes you must be flawed or not see the real you.
Deactivating strategies: Finding faults in someone who's interested can be a way of keeping distance.
Limerence: You may be hooked on uncertainty and longing rather than the person; check whether reciprocity kills the fantasy.
Goes cold after closeness: Check whether you go cold right after moments of real intimacy.
Hedonic adaptation: Some fading after the chase is normal; check whether it's every time or just with poor matches.
Questions to carry
- The last time my interest faded, what did the other person say or do in the days just before?
- Once someone likes me back, what do I imagine they will find if they keep looking?
Also said as
- the second he's into me I feel turned off
- why do I go off people when they show interest
- I only want her when she doesn't want me
- I get the ick when someone is nice to me
- I lose attraction once someone is interested in me
- why do I stop liking people who like me