Situation · Partners and dating
“He keeps me on the back burner”
What could be going on
Intermittent reinforcement: Just enough attention keeps you available; check whether you're waiting for his next message.
Narcissistic supply: Fits if he wants your interest as a boost, not a relationship.
Hoovering: Check whether he reappears precisely when you start to drift.
Ambivalence: He may be genuinely unsure; check whether he says so or just hedges.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment: Fits if he keeps everyone at a distance, not just you.
I–It (Buber): Check whether he treats you as a means to his needs rather than a person.
Questions to carry
- When he does get in touch, what does he usually want, and how long does it last?
- What keeps me available to him, and what have I put on hold to stay that way?
Also said as
- I feel like his backup option
- she keeps me around but never commits
- why does he only call when he's bored
- I'm someone's option not their priority
- he keeps me as a backup
- I'm her plan B