Situation · Partners and dating
“He disappears for days and then acts like nothing happened”
What could be going on
Deactivating strategies: Fits if he copes with closeness or stress by switching off and going quiet.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment: Check whether he generally values independence and avoids explaining himself.
Intermittent reinforcement: His unpredictable return keeps you hooked; check whether you wait for him.
Goes cold after closeness: Check whether disappearances follow close or intense moments.
ADHD in adults: Could be time-blindness and distraction; check whether he's like this with everyone.
Withdrawn and low for weeks: Check whether he's struggling with low mood during disappearances.
Questions to carry
- When he comes back, what does he say about the days away, and what does he leave out?
- Which question do I hold back when he reappears, and what stops me asking it?
Also said as
- my boyfriend goes MIA then texts like everything's normal
- she vanishes for a week and never explains
- why does he ghost me and then come back
- he goes off grid then pops up
- my boyfriend vanishes and then comes back like nothing
- she goes silent for days with no explanation