Situation · Partners and dating
“I always put my partner's needs before mine”
What could be going on
Codependency: Fits if your worth hangs on being needed; check whether you feel lost when he doesn't need you.
Self-sacrifice schema: Fits if putting yourself first brings guilt; check whether you give even when depleted.
Subjugation schema: Check whether you give in mainly to avoid his anger or disapproval, not out of choice.
People-pleasing: Check whether you do this with everyone, which points to your habit more than him.
Fawn response: Pleasing may be an old way of staying safe; check whether you placate automatically under tension.
Over-functioning and under-functioning: Check whether the more you carry, the less he does, so the gap keeps widening.
Questions to carry
- The last time our needs clashed, how did my partner learn what I wanted, if they did?
- Picturing my own need first, what feeling comes up in my chest or stomach?
Also said as
- I lose myself in every relationship
- I can't say no to my boyfriend
- why do I always sacrifice everything for her
- I don't know what I want anymore, only what he wants
- I always put him first
- I neglect myself for my partner