Situation · Partners and dating
“He threatens to break up every time we argue”
What could be going on
Protest behaviour: Threatening to leave can test whether you'll fight for them; check whether they calm when you do.
Abandonment/instability schema: Fits if they'd rather leave first than be left; check for this in past relationships.
Emotional blackmail (fear, obligation, guilt): If threats get you to drop issues, check whether they're used to win.
Tests you: Check whether they test your commitment in other ways too.
Emotional flooding: Could be said in overwhelm and regretted; check whether they retract it once calm.
All-or-nothing thinking: Fits if any conflict feels like proof the relationship is failing.
Questions to carry
- In the last argument, what point had we reached when the threat came?
- After the threat, what do I stop saying that I had wanted to say?
Also said as
- she says it's over in every fight then takes it back
- my partner threatens divorce whenever we disagree
- why does he say he's leaving whenever we fight
- my boyfriend says we're done whenever we fight
- she threatens to leave me every argument
- partner always talks about splitting up when we disagree