Situation · Yourself
“I stay with someone who hurts me”
What could be going on
Trauma bonding: Attachment formed through cruelty and kindness fits; check the cycle.
Intermittent reinforcement: Unpredictable good moments keep you hooked; check how often.
Coercive control: Fits if they restrict money, friends or movement; check safety.
Learned helplessness: Fits if leaving feels impossible after failed attempts.
Sunk cost fallacy: Years already invested can keep you; check whether you'd start this today.
Masochistic (self-defeating) character: Fits if suffering is how you secure love; check past relationships.
Questions to carry
- The last time I was hurt, what happened right after, and how safe did I feel at home?
- Who in my life could I tell about the hurt, and where could I go if I needed to?
Also said as
- I can't leave even though he treats me badly
- why do I keep going back
- my friend won't leave her abusive boyfriend
- I love someone who's terrible to me
- I can't leave a toxic relationship
- why do I stay with someone who mistreats me