“He's happy when I'm down and upset when I'm happy”
What could be going on
Envy: Your good mood may stir envy in him; check whether his dip follows your wins or joy elsewhere.
One-up, one-down: grandiosity and shame (Terry Real): Fits if he needs to be the steadier, better-off one; your lift may feel like his drop.
Vulnerable (covert) narcissism: Could be fragile self-worth that feels safer when you need him; check for quiet resentment of your success.
Anxious-preoccupied attachment: Your happiness may feel like you need him less; check whether he clings or worries when you're independent.
Everyday sadism: Only fits if he seems to enjoy your distress itself, not just feel needed; look for small pleasure in it.
Ressentiment (Nietzsche): Fits if he quietly resents what you have and frames your joy as shallow or undeserved.
Questions to carry
- The last time I shared good news, how did his face and voice change in the first few seconds?
- When I notice him brighten as I sink, what do I start doing with my own good news?
Also said as
- my boyfriend seems pleased when I'm struggling and sulks when things go well for me
- why does my husband get moody every time I'm in a good mood
- she lights up when I'm sad and goes cold when I'm doing great
- partner only nice to me when I'm low
- my partner enjoys it when I'm sad
- he gets grumpy whenever I'm excited about something