“He cheated on me and somehow it's my fault”

What could be going on

DARVO: Fits if he denies, attacks you, then claims to be the wronged one.

Rationalisation: He may build a story that makes the affair understandable to himself; check for excuses over ownership.

Moral disengagement: Check whether he minimises harm, blames circumstances or says 'everyone does it'.

Compartmentalisation: Fits if he kept the affair in a separate box and doesn't see it touching your relationship.

Takes credit, deflects blame: Check whether he generally deflects blame, not just about the affair.

Negative sentiment override: There may have been real distance before; that explains context, not the choice to cheat.

Also said as

• my husband had an affair and says I drove him to it
• she cheated and says it's because I wasn't there for her
• he says the affair meant nothing and I should get over it
• why does he blame me for his cheating
• my partner was unfaithful and says I pushed him to it
• wife had an affair and blames our marriage problems on me