Situation · Family and friends
“My father is never satisfied no matter what I achieve”
What could be going on
Conditions of worth (Rogers): Fits if love felt earned through performance; check whether approval ever arrived without achievement.
Unrelenting standards/hypercriticalness schema: Could be his own impossible bar, applied to himself as harshly as to you.
Intergenerational transmission: Check how his own father treated him; the pattern may be inherited, not about you.
Contingent self-worth: Fits if your own worth now rises and falls with whether he is pleased.
Harsh superego (inner critic): Check whether his voice has become your inner critic, still raising the bar when he isn't there.
Questions to carry
- What did my father say first the last time I told him about something I achieved?
- Which achievement am I working toward now partly so that he will see it?
Also said as
- nothing I do is ever good enough for my dad
- I got a first and he asked why it wasn't higher
- my dad always finds something wrong
- why is my father never proud however well I do
- dad moves the goalposts every time I succeed
- can never please my father