Situation · Partners and dating
“She shuts down and cries whenever I bring up a problem”
What could be going on
Emotional flooding: Fits if she's overwhelmed and can't think; check whether a break lets her come back.
Shame: Raising a problem may feel like being told she's bad; check whether she hears criticism of herself.
Overreacts to mild criticism: Check whether mild feedback from anyone gets the same strong reaction.
Fight, flight, freeze: Fits if she freezes or flees as if under threat.
Window of tolerance: Fits if serious talks push her past what she can manage; check timing and tone.
Rejection sensitivity: Fits if she reads any complaint as the start of you leaving.
Questions to carry
- The last time I raised a problem, at which point did her face change, and what had I just said?
- When she starts to cry, what do I do with the problem I came to raise?
Also said as
- my partner gets overwhelmed when I raise an issue
- he freezes and won't talk when we have a serious conversation
- why does my girlfriend fall apart when I try to talk
- she cries every time I try to talk about a problem
- my husband shuts down when I bring up issues
- why does my partner break down when I raise something