Situation · Partners and dating
“He says he'll kill himself if I leave him”
What could be going on
Warning signs of suicide risk and self-harm: Take the threat seriously; check the warning signs and contact emergency or crisis services if risk is real.
Emotional blackmail (fear, obligation, guilt): Fits if threats are used to stop you leaving; his safety is real but not your sole responsibility.
Borderline personality: Fits if intense fear of abandonment comes with self-harm threats and rapidly shifting feelings.
Abandonment/instability schema: The threat of losing you may feel unsurvivable to him; check for this fear across his life.
Coercive control: Check whether threats are part of a wider pattern keeping you trapped and afraid.
Uses guilt to get compliance: Check whether guilt is regularly used to get you to stay or comply.
Questions to carry
- The last time he said it, what was going on right then, and who else knows he says this?
- Who is one person I could tell about this, so that I am not carrying it alone?
Also said as
- my boyfriend threatens suicide whenever I try to break up
- she says she'll hurt herself if I go
- partner threatens self harm when we argue
- he says he can't live without me and will end it
- my girlfriend says she'll kill herself if I break up with her
- partner threatens to end his life if I leave