What avoidance is doing
There is a conversation we keep not having, an application we keep not sending, a change we can see coming and keep not making. The reason we give is often timing. Underneath it there is often a feeling.
Fuschia Sirois and Timothy Pychyl reviewed the research on procrastination and argued that it has a great deal to do with short-term mood repair. We delay the task because the task brings an unpleasant feeling, and delaying it makes the feeling go away for now. The cost lands on the person we will be later.
It is a review, not a single experiment, and it is about procrastination in general rather than about fear specifically. But it names something most of us recognize.
The avoiding brings relief. That is the problem.
The forecast is usually wrong
Part of what makes the feeling so strong is a prediction: this will go badly, and it will be awful for a long time.
Daniel Gilbert and colleagues ran six studies asking people to predict how they would feel after a bad event: a relationship ending, a job rejection, an election loss, unflattering feedback. People consistently overestimated how long the bad feeling would last. They underestimated how quickly people tend to recover.
The studies measured predictions and feelings after specific events, mostly with students and staff at US universities. They show a common error in forecasting, not that any particular outcome will be fine.
Why stepping back keeps it going
Put the mood-repair idea and the forecasting finding together and a loop shows up. The forecast says it will be terrible. Stepping back brings relief. The relief feels like proof that stepping back was wise. And the forecast is never tested, so it stays as loud as it was.
Beyond the research
“You see, what happens to a lot of people is when something happens in their life, they become wounded, and then from that day they choose not to come alive. It feels safe, so they never flow.”
Master Dhyan VimalSimirthi
A step with a time and a place
One body of research here is about starting. Peter Gollwitzer and Paschal Sheeran pooled 94 tests of what they call implementation intentions. These are plans that say when, where and how we will act: if this happens, then I will do that. Across those tests the plans had a medium-to-large effect on reaching the goal. They had a similar effect on getting started, including when people were reluctant.
The shape of it
If it is Tuesday after lunch, then I will send the first two lines of the email.
Most of the goals in those studies were ones people already wanted, like exercising or getting a health check, not the larger fears that shape a life. But the finding is about plans like this one: deciding the when and where in advance helped people begin.
A question to carry
What would we actually have to feel in the first few minutes, and are we sure it would last longer than that?
Questions
Is avoiding something the same as procrastinating?
Often, but not always. Procrastination is delaying something we intended to do. Avoidance is wider: it includes not starting at all, changing the subject, or arranging life so it never comes up. The research on procrastination as short-term mood repair describes one mechanism that may apply to both: the delay makes an unpleasant feeling go away for now.
Why does putting it off feel better?
Because it works, briefly. The unpleasant feeling the task brings recedes the moment we step back from it. The cost arrives later and lands on the person we will be then.
What counts as a small next step?
One action with a set time and place, decided in advance: if it is Tuesday after lunch, then I will send the first two lines of the email. Research on implementation intentions finds that plans in this if-then form help people get started, including when they are reluctant.
When is it worth talking to someone?
If avoidance is shaping large parts of life, or the fear comes with panic, persistent low mood or sleeplessness, a doctor or therapist is the right next conversation. This page is educational, not therapy.
Sources. Sirois, F. M., & Pychyl, T. A. (2013). Procrastination and the priority of short-term mood regulation: Consequences for future self. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 7(2), 115–127. A review, not a single study.
Gilbert, D. T., Pinel, E. C., Wilson, T. D., Blumberg, S. J., & Wheatley, T. P. (1998). Immune neglect: A source of durability bias in affective forecasting. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(3), 617–638. Six studies.
Gollwitzer, P. M., & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119. 94 tests.
Master Dhyan Vimal, Simirthi, lecture. This page is educational, not therapy.