Situation · Partners and dating
“My ex keeps texting me even though I've moved on”
What could be going on
Hoovering: Fits if contact spikes when you seem gone or happy, then fades once you respond.
Narcissistic supply: He may want your attention as reassurance of his worth; check whether he wants you, or your reaction.
Pursues harder when you pull back: Check whether his interest rises precisely as you move on.
Ambivalence: He may genuinely miss you while also not wanting the relationship back.
Can't be alone: Fits if his contact comes when he's single or lonely.
Grief (complicated, disenfranchised, anticipatory): He may still be grieving the relationship; check whether his messages are wistful rather than strategic.
Questions to carry
- Looking at when the texts tend to come, what had I just posted, said or done?
- When a new text lands, what is the first thing I feel, before I decide anything?
Also said as
- he messages me every few months out of nowhere
- my ex girlfriend pops up whenever I start dating someone
- why does my ex keep contacting me
- ex keeps reaching out after the breakup
- my ex won't stop messaging me
- ex boyfriend still texts me months later