Situation · Partners and dating
“Why do I always fall for emotionally unavailable men”
What could be going on
Repetition compulsion: You may be drawn to recreate an old dynamic to finally fix it; check whether he resembles a parent.
Anxious-preoccupied attachment: Unavailability can feel like chemistry when you're used to chasing love; check whether calm partners bore you.
Internal working model: Your early model of love may say it must be earned; check what love looked like growing up.
Emotional deprivation schema: Fits if you expect your needs won't be met and pick people who confirm it.
Self-verification: People seek partners who confirm how they see themselves; check whether you feel unworthy of steady love.
Pursuer-distancer (demand-withdraw): Check whether you're the pursuer in most relationships, regardless of who the partner is.
Questions to carry
- With the last man I fell for, which early moment showed me he was hard to reach?
- Whose love in my childhood did I have to work hard for, and how did it feel when it came?
Also said as
- I only ever like people who don't like me back
- every guy I date is distant and can't commit
- why am I attracted to women who keep me at arm's length
- I always pick the wrong partners
- I'm always attracted to men who can't commit
- why do I chase guys who don't want me