Situation · Partners and dating
“My partner won't commit after years together”
What could be going on
Dismissive-avoidant attachment: Commitment may feel like a loss of freedom; check how he talks about independence.
Ambivalence: He may genuinely be unsure about you or the relationship; check whether he's said so.
Can't decide: Check whether he struggles to decide about many things, not just this.
Puer aeternus (eternal youth): Fits if he avoids adult commitments in general, keeping options open.
Anxiety as the dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard): Choosing one path means closing others; some people freeze at that.
Sunk cost fallacy: Check whether your years invested are keeping you waiting rather than his promises.
Questions to carry
- What did my partner say the last time commitment came up, and what changed in the room?
- In plain words, what am I waiting for, and how long have I told myself I will wait?
Also said as
- we've been together 5 years and he still won't talk about marriage
- she keeps saying she's not ready
- why won't my boyfriend commit
- he says he's not sure about the future
- my boyfriend won't propose
- she won't move in with me after years together