Situation · Family and friends
“My friend only calls me when they need something”
What could be going on
I–It (Buber): Fits if you feel used as a resource rather than met as a person; check if they ask about you.
Reciprocity: The imbalance breaks the usual give-and-take; check whether they ever repay or offer anything.
Talks only about themselves: Fits if conversations circle back to them and your news gets no follow-up.
Self-sacrifice schema: Check whether you always say yes, making you the easy person to call.
Over-functioning and under-functioning: Could be a pattern you both keep: you over-help, they under-cope, and calls follow need.
Questions to carry
- Looking at the last few calls, what did my friend need each time?
- Seeing their name on my phone, what do I feel before I answer?
Also said as
- she only gets in touch when she wants a favour
- he never texts unless he needs help moving or money
- friend who only contacts me when it suits her
- why do people only reach out when they want something from me
- friend uses me for favours
- my mate disappears until he wants a lift somewhere