“I'm a single mom and there's no one to help me”
A single mother may do every school run, every night waking and every sick day herself, with no one to hold the baby while she showers. Studies in Canada and Australia have found single mothers more likely than partnered mothers to be depressed or in poor mental health. In an Australian survey of about 2,000 mothers, financial hardship and low social support were the strongest factors, and with income and background they accounted for almost all of the gap (Crosier, Butterworth and Rodgers, 2007). What matters most is which kind of help is missing: money, time, hands or someone to talk to, and whether any of it is within reach.
What to check first
It helps to write down what a normal week asks for, and which parts no one else ever covers. Sleep, health and money each wear a parent down on their own, and a doctor can check whether low mood or exhaustion has gone past ordinary tiredness. It also helps to notice whether help has been offered and turned down, or never offered at all.
What could be going on
Single-parent strain (lone parenthood and mental health): Fits if the strain comes from the whole setup: one income, one adult, and every decision and night waking landing on you.
Role strain and role overload (Goode): Check whether you are earner, carer, cook, driver and admin at once, with no hour left for any of them to rest.
Barriers to asking for help (help-seeking): Check whether some help exists, but asking for it feels risky, costly or like owing someone.
Parental burnout (Mikolajczak and Roskam): Fits if you have gone flat with your kids, doing the tasks on autopilot and feeling unlike the parent you were.
Telling them apart
Single-parent strain (lone parenthood and mental health): The weight may come from the setup itself: one income, one adult on call, no one to swap with. In the Australian study, hardship and thin support explained most of single mothers' extra distress, which points at circumstances more than character.
Role strain and role overload (Goode): Each role might be manageable alone, and they all run at once. The parent may be on a work call while making dinner while signing a school form.
Barriers to asking for help (help-seeking): Help may be there in some form, a neighbor, a sister, a program, and still go unused. Fear of being judged, not wanting to owe anyone, or not knowing what exists may stand in the way.
Parental burnout (Mikolajczak and Roskam): The long run without help may have turned into exhaustion and distance from the kids. The parent may get through the day on autopilot and find little pleasure left in being a parent.
Questions to carry
- The last time I needed a hand and had no one, what was the task?
- What do I tell myself about why there's no one to help?
Also said as
- single mom with no help
- single mother no support system
- raising kids alone with no family nearby
- no one to help me with my kids
- single mum no help
- i do everything on my own
Close to this
Situations that share these patterns.