Situation · Partners and dating
“He only wants me when I pull away”
What could be going on
Pursues harder when you pull back: Check whether his interest rises reliably as yours falls.
Pursuer-distancer (demand-withdraw): Fits if you two switch roles, but someone's always chasing and someone's always fleeing.
Scarcity: What's harder to get feels more valuable; check whether he wants you or the chase.
Hoovering: Fits if he pulls you back then loses interest again once you return.
Narcissistic supply: He may need to know you still want him; check whether he wants you or just your attention.
Fearful-avoidant attachment: He may want closeness only when it feels safe at a distance.
Questions to carry
- The last time he came back toward me, how long had I been gone, and what did he say?
- Once he comes back, what happens to my wish to keep pulling away?
Also said as
- as soon as I lose interest he's all over me
- she only texts when I stop texting
- why does he come back the moment I start moving on
- he chases me when I ignore him
- he only gets interested when I back off
- my ex wants me back whenever I start ignoring him