Situation · Partners and dating
“Why do I keep going back to my ex”
What could be going on
Trauma bonding: Fits if hurt and relief alternate and the bond tightens through the painful cycles.
Intermittent reinforcement: The occasional great moment keeps hope alive; check whether you're chasing how it felt at the start.
Hoovering: Check whether he pulls you back with promises, crises or sudden warmth when you leave.
Repetition compulsion: You may be replaying an old pattern from earlier in life; check whether he resembles a parent.
Sunk cost fallacy: Years invested can make leaving feel like waste; check whether the past is doing the deciding.
Limerence: Fits if you're preoccupied with him, replay moments and feel high on any contact.
Questions to carry
- What had my ex just said or sent, the last time I went back?
- In the days before I go back, what am I missing most, the person or how I felt with them?
Also said as
- I keep getting back together with someone I know is bad for me
- why can't I stay away from him even after everything
- I've broken up with her five times and keep going back
- on and off with my ex for years
- I always end up back with my ex
- why do I keep returning to someone who hurt me