“Some days I don't know how much longer I can do this alone”
A parent may get through the day on autopilot and, late at night, wonder how much longer they can keep it up. For some, the thought means needing a break. For others it shades into wanting to disappear or not wanting to be alive. Studies of single mothers in Canada and Australia have found more depression and poor mental health than among partnered mothers, linked in large part to money hardship, stress and thin support. What matters most is what the thought means on the worst days, and how long it has been there.
What to check first
Before reading it as a pattern, it helps to check safety. If "I can't do this" has ever meant thoughts of not being alive, or of leaving and not coming back, that calls for talking to someone today. Sleep, health and how long this has lasted matter too, and a doctor can check for depression and for physical causes of exhaustion.
What could be going on
Parental burnout (Mikolajczak and Roskam): Fits if parenting itself has drained you, you feel distant from your kids and you are running on empty.
Single-parent strain (lone parenthood and mental health): Fits if the weight comes from carrying it all alone: the money, the hours and no one to swap with.
Major depression: Check whether the low mood reaches past parenting, into sleep, food and everything else, for two weeks or more.
Warning signs of suicide risk and self-harm: Check whether "I can't do this" has ever meant not wanting to be alive. If so, talk to someone today.
Telling them apart
Parental burnout (Mikolajczak and Roskam): The exhaustion may center on the parent role: emptied out, distant from the kids, doing it on autopilot. Researchers link burnout to demands outrunning resources for a long time, and a parent on their own may have the fewest resources to draw on.
Single-parent strain (lone parenthood and mental health): The weight may come from the setup: one income, one adult and no one to take over. In an Australian study, money hardship and low support explained most of single mothers' extra distress.
Major depression: The flatness may reach beyond the kids into sleep, food, friends and work, for two weeks or more. Hope may feel hard to reach, and the future may look the same as today.
Warning signs of suicide risk and self-harm: The thought may have turned toward dying: wishing not to wake up, feeling the kids would be better off, making plans. These call for talking to someone today, whatever else is going on.
Questions to carry
- The last time I thought I couldn't keep going, what had just happened?
- What do I most need that I haven't said out loud to anyone?
Also said as
- i can't do this anymore single mom
- single parent at breaking point
- i don't know how much longer i can keep going
- so tired of doing everything alone
- single mom want to give up
- i feel like i'm drowning as a parent
Parents carrying everything alone sometimes have thoughts of not wanting to be alive, or of leaving and not coming back. If any of these come up, please talk to someone today: a doctor, a crisis line or someone close. In the US, call or text 988, and the National Parent Helpline is on 1-855-427-2736, any time. In the UK, Samaritans are on 116 123, and Coram Family Lives runs a free parenting helpline in England and Wales on 0808 800 2222. If anyone is in danger now, call 911 or 999. Elsewhere, findahelpline.com lists free, confidential helplines by country.
Close to this
Situations that share these patterns.
- “I'm raising my kids alone and I'm so lonely”
- “I'm a single mom and there's no one to help me”
- “I'm so exhausted I resent my own kids”
- “Work is so bad I don't want to be alive anymore”
- “My colleague said they'd kill themselves if they lose this job”
- “My brother keeps saying he doesn't want to be alive anymore”