“My partner controls all the money”
What could be going on
Controls a partner's money, friends or movements: Check whether money control comes with control of friends, phone or movements.
Coercive control: Fits if financial control leaves you dependent, afraid or unable to leave; this is a recognised form of abuse.
Omnipotent control: He may need to feel in charge of everything around him; check for control in other areas too.
Vulnerability to harm or illness schema: Could be fear of financial disaster driving tight control; check whether he's anxious about money generally.
Must control details: Fits if he micromanages details everywhere, not just finances with you.
Moral foundations: Some families or cultures assign money to one partner; check whether you both agreed to this.
Economic abuse: Fits if control of money, work or spending keeps you dependent and you can't refuse without cost.
Money vigilance: A milder cause: fear of losing money. Check whether he watches his own spending as tightly as yours.
Questions to carry
- What did I have to do or say to get money, the last time I needed some for something?
- Who in my life could I tell plainly how the money works in our home?
Also said as
- he won't let me see our bank accounts
- my husband gives me an allowance and I have to ask for everything
- she checks every purchase I make
- boyfriend controls my finances
- my husband controls all our finances
- she won't let me have my own money