Situation · Family and friends
“My parents keep comparing me to my cousin”
What could be going on
Social comparison: Fits if they measure family standing against others.
Conditions of worth (Rogers): Check whether you feel loved only when you match the comparison.
Status motive: Could be their concern about how the family looks to relatives.
Contingent self-worth: Check whether your worth now depends on ranking well against others.
Parenting styles (Baumrind): An ordinary cause: some parents use comparison as clumsy motivation; check if they mean well.
Questions to carry
- What were my parents praising in my cousin the last time the comparison came up?
- Which part of my life do I feel I have to defend when it comes up?
Also said as
- why can't you be more like your sister
- my mum always compares me to other people's kids
- parents compare me to my siblings
- my dad brings up my cousin's job every time
- parents always comparing me to others
- my mum compares me to my cousins