“I keep having scary thoughts about my baby getting hurt”
After a birth, many parents get sudden pictures of the baby being dropped, drowned, smothered or hurt, sometimes by their own hands. The thoughts come uninvited and bring a wave of horror, and the parent may start avoiding the stairs, the bath or being alone with the baby. Mothers and fathers both report them, and in one large study mothers who had them were no more likely to be rough with their babies than mothers who didn't. What matters most is how the thoughts feel to the parent, how much of the day they take, and whether anything about them feels true or tempting.
What to check first
The first thing to check is how the thoughts feel. Thoughts that horrify the parent, and that they push away, are common after a birth. Thoughts that feel right, or that come with confusion, days of little or no sleep, or seeing and hearing things others don't, may point to postpartum psychosis, which is rare and needs emergency care the same day.
What could be going on
Intrusive thoughts of harm to the baby (perinatal OCD): Fits if the thoughts are unwanted, they horrify you, and you do things to keep the baby safe from them.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): Check whether the thoughts take up an hour or more a day and come with checking, avoiding or seeking reassurance.
Generalized anxiety: Could be part of a wider worry that runs from the baby to money, health and everything else, most of the day.
Birth trauma (childbirth-related PTSD): Check whether the scary pictures started after a frightening birth or a stay in neonatal intensive care.
Postpartum depression (perinatal depression): Fits if the thoughts come with low mood, hopelessness or a sense that you are failing the baby.
Psychosis: Check whether the thoughts feel true or right, or come with confusion, days without sleep or hearing things. That needs help today.
Telling them apart
Intrusive thoughts of harm to the baby (perinatal OCD): The thoughts come uninvited, the parent hates them, and they may lead to hiding knives, skipping the bath or never being alone with the baby. The harder the parent fights them, the more they may come back. In research, having them has not been linked with harming the baby.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): When the thoughts take hours of the day, with checking the baby's breathing, asking for reassurance or avoiding care tasks, perinatal OCD may be the closer fit. Each ritual brings short relief and then the thought returns. Perinatal OCD responds to treatment.
Generalized anxiety: The baby may be one worry among many: money, health, work, the partner's drive home. The worry may run most of the day and come with tense muscles and broken sleep. It may have been there before the baby and grown since.
Birth trauma (childbirth-related PTSD): If the birth or a stay in neonatal care was frightening, images of the baby in danger may be replays of that time. The parent may startle easily and keep checking. Reminders of the hospital may bring the thoughts on.
Postpartum depression (perinatal depression): Here the scary thoughts may sit inside a heavier low: hopelessness, guilt, a sense that the baby would be better off with someone else. Sleep and appetite may be off even when the baby settles. The thoughts may ease as the depression is treated.
Psychosis: In postpartum psychosis the thoughts may stop feeling foreign: they may feel true, make strange sense, or come with voices or beliefs others find odd. Confusion, racing mood and days without sleep often go with it. It is rare, comes on fast, usually in the first weeks after birth, and is an emergency.
Questions to carry
- When did the last scary thought come, and what was I doing with my baby at that moment?
- What do I do right after a thought like that, to feel safe again?
Also said as
- intrusive thoughts about my baby
- i keep picturing my baby falling
- scary thoughts about hurting my newborn
- what if i drop the baby thoughts
- postpartum ocd thoughts
- i'm afraid i'll hurt my baby
Unwanted thoughts of a baby being hurt are common after a birth, and the ones that horrify a parent are very seldom acted on. Help is needed today if the thoughts come with an urge or plan to act, if they start to feel right, or if there is confusion, days without sleep, or seeing or hearing things others don't. In the US, the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is 1-833-852-6262, call or text, any time. Postpartum Support International's HelpLine, 1-800-944-4773, can connect parents with local support. For thoughts of suicide, call or text 988. In the UK, Samaritans are on 116 123. If it's happening now, call 911 or 999. Elsewhere, findahelpline.com lists free, confidential helplines by country.