Situation · Family and friends
“When I bring up the past my parents turn it around on me”
What could be going on
DARVO: Fits if they deny, attack you and claim to be the injured one.
Turns it around when confronted: Check whether every complaint becomes a complaint about you.
Shame: Could be unbearable shame; check if they collapse or rage rather than discuss.
Narcissistic injury: Fits if any criticism punctures their self-image and they react by striking back.
Always the victim: Check whether they cast themselves as victim in most stories, not just this one.
Questions to carry
- The last time I raised the past, at which point did the talk turn to my faults?
- Underneath wanting them to admit it, what am I hoping to hear from them?
Also said as
- I tried to talk to my mum about my childhood and she said I was cruel
- my dad gets angry and plays the victim when I raise things
- confronting parents and they make me the bad guy
- they say I'm attacking them when I just want to be heard
- my parents twist things to make it my fault
- when I confront my mum she plays the victim