“I'm raising my kids alone and I'm so lonely”
A single parent may spend the whole day surrounded by small voices and still go to bed with no adult to tell about any of it. Friends may have drifted after a split, an evening out costs a sitter, and the other parents at the school gate may all seem to be in couples. In a survey by Ireland's Central Statistics Office in mid-2021, during the pandemic, 41 percent of lone parents said they felt lonely all or most of the time. The figure was 17 percent for people living alone and 59 percent for lone parents under 40. What matters most is what kind of connection is missing, and how long the loneliness has lasted.
What to check first
It helps to check whether the loneliness is about having no one at all, or about missing one particular kind of closeness, such as a partner or an old friend. It also helps to notice whether it has come with low mood, poor sleep or lost interest in things for two weeks or more, which is worth taking to a doctor.
What could be going on
Loneliness (Cacioppo, Holt-Lunstad): Fits if you are rarely alone and still feel lonely, missing an adult who knows your day.
Single-parent strain (lone parenthood and mental health): Check whether the loneliness grows out of the setup: no free evenings, no money for outings, friends who drifted after the split.
Social isolation/alienation schema: Could be an older feeling of being different and on the outside, which single parenthood has brought back.
Major depression: Check whether the loneliness comes with low mood, poor sleep and no pleasure in anything for two weeks or more.
Telling them apart
Loneliness (Cacioppo, Holt-Lunstad): The parent is rarely alone, and the loneliness may be for adult company: someone who asks how the day went and remembers the answer. Loneliness is about the gap between the connection wanted and the connection had, so a full house can still feel empty.
Single-parent strain (lone parenthood and mental health): The loneliness may grow out of the setup: no free evenings, no money for a sitter, and friends lost in a split. It may ease when the circumstances shift, even a little.
Social isolation/alienation schema: The sense of being on the outside may be older than the kids, going back to feeling different at school or in the family. Being the one single parent in a group may set it off again.
Major depression: The loneliness may come with flatness, poor sleep and lost interest in things, lasting two weeks or more. Low mood can make reaching out feel pointless, which deepens the isolation.
Questions to carry
- When did I last feel the loneliness most, and who did I wish was there?
- What kind of company do I miss most?
Also said as
- single mom loneliness
- lonely single parent
- no adult to talk to all day
- i only talk to my kids
- lonely after divorce with kids
- single dad lonely
Close to this
Situations that share these patterns.