Situation · Partners and dating
“He tells me nobody else would ever want me”
What could be going on
Coercive control: Saying no one else would want you keeps you from leaving; check for other control too.
Devaluation: Fits if he regularly puts you down and it's getting worse.
You feel small or stupid around them: Check whether you feel smaller or more stupid around him than elsewhere.
Emotional blackmail (fear, obligation, guilt): Fits if it's said when you talk about leaving.
Projection: He may fear no one would want him; check whether he's insecure himself.
Defectiveness/shame schema: His words may hook a belief you already hold; check whether it predates him.
Questions to carry
- The last time he said it, what had just happened, and what did he want me to do next?
- Who in my life sees me differently than he does, and how could I spend more time near them?
Also said as
- my husband says I'm lucky he puts up with me
- she says no one else would love me
- my partner says I'd be nothing without him
- he makes me feel worthless
- my boyfriend says I'm lucky to have him
- my partner says I'd never find anyone else