Situation · Partners and dating
“My partner always plays the victim”
What could be going on
Always the victim: Check whether he's the wronged one in every story, with exes, bosses and family too.
Drama triangle (persecutor, victim, rescuer): Fits if he plays victim and you end up cast as persecutor or rescuer.
DARVO: Fits if he becomes the victim specifically when you raise something he did.
Vulnerable (covert) narcissism: Fits if fragile self-worth comes with grievance and feeling misunderstood by everyone.
Primary and secondary gain: Check what the victim role gets him, like sympathy, avoiding blame or being let off tasks.
Learned helplessness: Could reflect real powerlessness from a hard history; check whether he gave up trying long ago.
Questions to carry
- The last time I raised a problem, how did the talk end up being about my partner's hurt?
- Which role do I slip into once my partner is hurt: the comforter, the accused, or something else?
Also said as
- he's always the one who's been hurt
- she makes every argument about how hard her life is
- why does my husband always make himself the victim
- victim mentality in my relationship
- my boyfriend always acts like the victim
- she always thinks everyone is against her