Situation · Work
“When I raise a problem my boss turns it around on me”
What could be going on
Turns it around when confronted: Turning it around when confronted fits exactly; note whether your point ever gets answered.
DARVO: Fits if they deny, attack you, then cast themselves as the victim.
Narcissistic injury: Fits if any criticism feels like an attack on who they are.
Never wrong; rewrites history: Fits if they never admit a mistake in any setting.
Defensive routines (Argyris): Fits if it is how the whole place handles problems, not only this boss.
Conflict modes (Thomas-Kilmann): Check how you raise things; a sudden confrontation can trigger a competing style.
Questions to carry
- The last time I raised a problem, at which sentence did the talk turn to me?
- Walking out of those talks, what do I believe about the problem I came in with?
Also said as
- she makes it my fault whenever I complain
- I bring up an issue and somehow I'm the one in trouble
- my manager flips everything back on me
- every time I confront him he attacks me instead
- boss turns my complaints back on me
- whenever I raise a concern, my manager blames me