“How do we handle being wrong?”
What could be going on
Contingent self-worth: What all four moves may protect: if worth rides on being right, being wrong lands as a judgement on us. Check how far mood drops after being corrected.
Must win every argument: We argue: we fight the details until the point is gone. Check whether conceding feels like losing face.
Over-apologises: We over-apologise: so much that the other person ends up comforting us. Check whether the apology repairs anything for them or mostly ends our discomfort.
Ostrich effect: We go quiet: we change the subject and fix it later without naming it. Check for a mistake we corrected but never mentioned.
Hindsight bias: We never find out: memory edits the record so we recall being right. Check what we remember saying against what's in writing.
Cognitive dissonance: Being wrong clashes with seeing ourselves as competent, so the story bends. Check whether we reinterpret the record when shown it.
The research
In one study, people chose the more attractive of two faces. The researchers secretly handed them the other one. Most didn't notice, and they went on to explain why they had chosen it.
Photographs of faces, in a lab. The authors later reported that no more than 30% of the swaps were caught, even with unlimited time to choose.
Questions to carry
- The last time I was wrong, which move came first?
- What did being wrong seem to say about me?
Also said as
- I can't admit when I'm wrong
- I get defensive when I make a mistake
- I say sorry too much when I mess up
- I go quiet after I make a mistake
- I hate being corrected
- I only realise I was wrong much later