Behaviours
Everyday behaviours
Overreacts to mild criticismYou flag one weak slide in a good deck. They go quiet, then send a long email defending every choice, or raise it again three days later.Can't take a complimentYou praise how they handled a hard client. They wave it off ('anyone would have'), change the subject, or point to the one thing that went wrong.Never wrong; rewrites historyA decision they pushed fails. In the post-mortem they recall having raised concerns at the time, and their account of the meeting doesn't match yours.Takes credit, deflects blameIn the board update the win is 'my team's initiative'; the miss is the supply chain, or marketing not delivering leads.Sabotages near successTwo weeks before the launch or the promotion decision they miss a key meeting, pick a fight with the sponsor, or start a new side project.Feels like an impostor despite resultsA strong performer tells you, half joking, that they're waiting to be found out, and overprepares for every meeting.Over-apologises'Sorry, sorry, just a quick one, sorry to bother you.' They apologise when you bump into them.Goes cold after closenessA great weekend or a candid one-to-one, then days of short replies, sudden busyness, or talk only about logistics.Pursues harder when you pull backYou go quiet for a day. They text four times, call, then send a long message about what's wrong between you.Overshares earlyFirst coffee, and they tell you about the divorce, the therapy and their father's drinking.Can't be aloneAlways on the phone, always booked, a new partner within weeks of a break-up.Idealises, then devaluesA new hire is 'the best person we've brought in for years'. Four months and one mistake later, they're 'a disaster'.Never asks for helpThey're visibly drowning and say 'all good, I've got it' until the deadline is missed.Compulsively rescuesThey take on a struggling colleague's work, lend money to the same friend again, and are always the one who drives across town at midnight.Tests youThey cancel at the last minute to see if you'll still turn up next time, or tell you something confidential to see whether it leaks.Sudden rage over something smallA changed meeting time or a dirty mug, and they're shouting, red, unable to stop for a minute or two.Stonewalls in conflictYou raise an issue. They go silent, look away, check their phone, or leave the room.Agrees in the room, resists laterNods through the strategy meeting, then the implementation stalls, and you hear through others that they never agreed.Sarcastic'Oh great, another all-hands. My favourite.' Barbs land on people, often with a smile.Turns it around when confrontedYou raise a missed commitment. Ten minutes later you're the one apologising for your tone.Keeps score and holds grudgesThree years later they still mention the bonus that went to someone else, or the comment you made at a dinner.Pleases everyone, never says noThey agree to every request, tell each faction what it wants to hear, and are quietly overloaded.Must control detailsThey rewrite your email before it goes out, check the fonts on every slide, and can't hand over a task without hovering.Demands loyaltyBefore every hard meeting it's 'are you with me on this?', and a colleague having lunch with a rival counts as betrayal.Changed after getting powerSix months after becoming MD they interrupt, stop asking questions, and look at their phone while others speak.Must win every argumentA friendly debate about a film becomes a twenty-minute cross-examination, and they won't let it go until you concede.Rigid about rulesThey won't sign off a client dinner because the receipt lacks a VAT number, even though the client is about to walk.Controls a partner's money, friends or movementsThey check the partner's phone, decide who they can see, and need to know where they are at all times.Name-drops and tracks rankEvery story features someone well known, and they know everyone's title, salary band and club.Lies easily without discomfortThey tell a client the product is 'already live in three markets' when it isn't, hold eye contact, and don't flinch when you raise it afterwards.Charming at first, then contemptuousIn the hiring process they're warm, funny and attentive. Three months in, they roll their eyes at your questions and talk over you.Always the victimEvery story ends with someone else at fault: the old boss, the ex, the market, the team that let them down.Denies things you both saw happenYou both heard them promise the budget. A week later they say flatly that they never did, and you start doubting yourself.Uses guilt to get compliance'After everything I've done for you' or 'fine, I'll do it myself, as usual,' and you end up agreeing.Polished image, nothing underneathTheir LinkedIn, their story and their meeting manner are flawless, but after a year you know nothing about what they actually feel or want.Moral superiorityThey frame every business decision as ethical and imply that those who disagree are compromised.Intellectualises feelingsYou ask how they feel about the divorce and they give you a lucid analysis of attachment styles and custody law.Flat affectGood news and bad news get the same tone. Their face barely moves.Humour as deflectionYou ask a serious question about the failing project. They make a joke, everyone laughs, and the question disappears.Spiritual talk used to avoid conflictYou raise a problem and they say 'it's all perfect as it is' or 'I'm choosing not to engage with that energy', and the issue stays unresolved.Big, theatrical emotions that shift fastTears in the meeting, laughter ten minutes later, and a story told so vividly that everyone stops what they're doing.Envy disguised as critiqueA peer's promotion is announced and they say, 'Good for her. Shame about the way she treats her team, though.'Relentlessly upbeatEverything is 'amazing', every setback 'an opportunity'. The team stops telling them bad news.Chronically late or procrastinatesThe report you asked for a fortnight ago arrives at 2 a.m. on the deadline, or not at all, and they're late for meetings.Overachiever who feels emptyExits the company, makes the money, and six months later says, 'Is this it?'Grandiose plans, little follow-throughA new venture every quarter, each one 'the big one', none past the first prototype. The pitch is always better than the spreadsheet.Polishes endlessly, can't shipThe strategy document is on version fourteen and still hasn't gone to the board.Works constantly, can't stopEmails at midnight, on Sundays and on holiday. They can't get through dinner without checking the phone.Does the minimumA former high performer now arrives at nine, leaves at five, and says nothing in meetings.Brilliant but exhaustingTheir ideas are the best in the room, but every meeting overruns, and the team needs a week to recover from their visit.Fast speech and little sleepFor a week they've slept four hours a night, talk over everyone, launch three projects and spend freely.Physical complaints under stressBefore every board meeting: a migraine, an upset stomach, a back that goes.Scans the room, startles easilyThey sit facing the door, jump when someone drops a file, and pick up every change in your tone.Withdrawn and low for weeksThey've stopped coming to lunch, keep the camera off, deliver late, and look grey.Mood swings day to dayWarm on Monday, icy on Tuesday, tearful on Wednesday, and you can't work out why.Zones out under pressureIn a tense meeting their eyes go glassy, and afterwards they can't recall what was decided.Drinks to unwind every nightTwo glasses has become a bottle, every night, 'to switch off'.Can't decideThree months on the shortlist of two candidates. Each meeting ends with 'let's get one more reference'.Suspicious of motivesYou offer to help with a project and they ask what you're really after. A team-wide pay rise is read as a ploy.Avoids eye contact, gives literal repliesYou ask 'can you look at the deck?' and they reply 'yes' and do nothing. In meetings they look at the table.Talks only about themselvesAn hour over lunch and they haven't asked you a single question. Every topic you start comes back to them.Jumps to the worst caseA delayed reply from the client means the contract is gone, the quarter is lost, and layoffs are coming.Rambles, jumps between topicsA simple question gets a ten-minute answer that passes through three unrelated stories before landing, or never lands.Replays conversations for daysThree days after a meeting they're still asking whether the CFO was annoyed with them.Gossips and triangulatesInstead of telling a colleague they're annoyed, they tell you, then tell a third person what you said.Whole team sees the problem, nobody says itEveryone knows the launch date is fiction. In the review, everyone says it's on track.One person is blamed for everythingEvery problem in the department traces back to one person, and the complaints keep coming even in weeks they're on leave.Team turns tribalSales against product, head office against the regions, and every meeting is about whose fault it is.Founder can't let goThey stepped back as CEO but still come to every meeting, overrule the new leader, and talk to staff directly.Changes their view to match the bossTheir position flips the day the CEO speaks, and they argue the new line as if it had always been theirs.Crisis follows themEvery project they touch hits an emergency, every team they join has a falling-out, and they're always at the centre.You feel bored or sleepy with themTen minutes into their account of something that should matter (a divorce, a failing project) you're fighting to stay awake.You feel protective, want to rescue themWithin one meeting you've offered to take over their hardest task and to have a word with their boss.You feel dazzled, special in their presenceAfter one dinner you're sure you've met someone extraordinary, and they seem to find you extraordinary too.You feel guilty without having done anythingAfter every conversation you feel you've let them down, though you can't say how.You walk on eggshells around themYou rehearse sentences before speaking, watch their face for the shift, and feel your shoulders drop when they leave.You feel on edge and don't know whyThey're polite and helpful, but your stomach is tight the whole time you're with them.You feel small or stupid around themYou walk into their office competent and walk out feeling like a junior who got it wrong.You feel irritated and want to push themThey haven't done anything wrong, but everything they say grates, and you're sharper with them than with anyone else.Won't look at money at allLetters from the bank sit unopened on the side for weeks. Asked how much is in the account, they say they don't know and change the subject. The partner pays the bills because they won't log in.Spends to feel betterAfter a row or a bad day at work, parcels start arriving. They're cheerful while ordering, quiet when the bank app pings, and some things stay in their bags.Hoards money and still feels poorThey have a healthy savings balance and still won't put the heating on. A broken shoe is mended with glue for a year. Any spending talk ends with 'we can't afford it', though they can.Hides purchases from a partnerShopping bags go straight into the boot. New clothes are 'old'. A second card turns up in a coat pocket, or a statement is deleted before the partner sees it.Measures people by what they earnAt dinner they ask what someone does and work out their salary on the spot. They talk about friends by their house, car or school fees, and lose interest in people who earn less.