Stonewalls in conflict
You raise an issue. They go silent, look away, check their phone, or leave the room.
Rule out first
A real need for a pause to think. A setting where speaking up has been punished. A language or neurodivergent processing difference.
What could explain it
Emotional flooding: Physically overwhelmed: fast heart, blank mind. They can return to it after twenty minutes of calm.
Silent treatment: Deliberate and punitive; the silence lasts days and ends when you give in.
Deactivating strategies: They shut down emotional talk generally and are calm, not flooded; the message is that it doesn't matter.
Alexithymia: They want to answer but can't find words for what they feel; give them a menu and they can choose.
Conflict modes (Thomas-Kilmann): A habitual avoiding style; they'll talk about it in writing or with a mediator.
A next move
Call a timed break: 'let's pick this up in thirty minutes.' Coming back means flooding; staying silent for days means punishment; returning calm with nothing to say points to deactivation or alexithymia.
If it’s you
When I go silent, am I overwhelmed, or am I punishing?