Pursues harder when you pull back
You go quiet for a day. They text four times, call, then send a long message about what's wrong between you.
Rule out first
A real unresolved issue they need settled. Your withdrawal was abrupt or unexplained. A practical deadline.
What could explain it
Protest behaviour: Bids escalate to provoke a response (guilt, threats to leave, jealousy plays) and calm quickly once you respond warmly.
Pursuer-distancer (demand-withdraw): A two-person loop: the more you withdraw the more they pursue, and you are part of the pattern. Roles may flip when they withdraw.
Abandonment/instability schema: Fear of being left shows across relationships, with friends and colleagues as well as with you.
Limerence: Fixed on you specifically and fed by uncertainty; they ruminate over your signals and the intensity drops once you're reliably available.
Hoovering: They come back after their own coldness or a break-up, with charm, emergencies or promises, and lose interest once you're back.
A next move
Give a clear, brief, warm signal of when you'll be back in touch, and keep to it. Settling points to anxious attachment; escalation despite clarity to abandonment fear or control; losing interest once you return to hoovering or limerence.
If it’s you
Am I trying to repair the relationship, or to get rid of this feeling quickly?