Can't decide
Three months on the shortlist of two candidates. Each meeting ends with 'let's get one more reference'.
Rule out first
Genuinely close options. Missing information that matters. A decision that isn't theirs to make, or a boss who overrules them.
What could explain it
Ambivalence: They want both things and each choice means a real loss; once named, they can grieve the loss and choose.
Rumination and worry: The thinking goes round without new information; they're exhausted by it and know it isn't helping.
Dependence/incompetence schema: They want someone else to choose and are relieved when you do; on their own they doubt their competence.
Enneagram Type 9: Peacemaker: Deciding means upsetting someone; they wait for the situation to decide for them.
Major depression: Indecision is new and spreads to small things (what to eat, what to wear), with low energy and mood.
Anxiety as the dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard): The options are all good and the information is in; the anxiety rises as constraints fall away. A deadline or someone else's decision brings visible relief.
A next move
Offer to decide for them on a small, reversible matter. Relief means dependence; resentment or relief at avoided conflict means the Nine pattern; still stuck means ambivalence or rumination; check whether small choices are hard too.
If it’s you
Which option am I mourning, and could I choose if I let myself grieve it?