Replays conversations for days
Three days after a meeting they're still asking whether the CFO was annoyed with them.
Rule out first
A high-stakes meeting with real consequences. A boss who gives no feedback. An actual mistake.
What could explain it
Rumination and worry: They replay many things, not just social ones; it doesn't solve anything and worsens mood.
Social anxiety: The replay focuses on how they came across and fear of embarrassment.
Rejection sensitivity: They replay for signs of rejection, and seek reassurance about the relationship.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): Doubt loops: they need to be certain they didn't say something offensive, and checking doesn't settle it.
Shame: They replay one moment where they felt exposed; it's about who they are, not what they said.
A next move
Ask what they're looking for in the replay. Embarrassment means social anxiety; rejection means sensitivity; certainty means OCD; feeling exposed means shame.
If it’s you
What am I hoping to find if I replay it one more time?