My sister copies everything I do
Some people find that a sister, or a close friend, keeps doing what they do: the haircut, the hobby, the job field, even the name picked for a baby. It can feel flattering at first and then like having nothing of one's own. What matters most in telling these apart is whether the copying comes from admiration, from rivalry, or from not yet having a clear sense of who she is.
It helps to check whether the copying goes both ways, and how old the pattern is. Younger siblings often copy older ones for years. It also helps to notice whether the copying comes with competing or with closeness.
Patterns that could explain it
Fits if she wants things because you have them, and they gain value in her eyes once you do.
The interest in a thing starts right after the person shows it: the same coat, the same trip. Once she has it, she may lose interest. The wanting follows whatever the person picks.
Fits if copying sits beside competing: she does it too, and then tries to do it better.
The sister doesn't just copy. She compares results, mentions her version in front of family, and keeps score. The rivalry is old and may have been fed by parents.
Could be that she hasn't found her own direction yet, so she borrows yours.
The sister seems unsure what she likes or wants and changes with whoever she is close to. She copies other people too. The copying looks more like searching than competing.
Fits if she seems to resent what you have as well as wanting it.
The copying comes with small digs, faint praise or pleasure when things go wrong for the person. She seems unhappy with her own life when the person's is going well.
Need for uniqueness (specialness)
Fits if what hurts is losing what makes you you, more than anything she means by it.
The person feels erased when a choice they made becomes shared. They might care less if a stranger did the same thing. The hurt is about their own sense of being distinct.
Close to this
Go deeper
The research
In four experiments, consumers learned that someone else had the same item they owned. When the wish to stand out was raised and the copier was similar to them, people were more likely to want to get rid of the item, change it or swap it. The effect came from a threat to feeling distinctive, and it was weaker for items with little personal meaning or that took little effort to get.
Other ways people say it
“my sister copies me”
“my sibling copies my style and plans”
“my friend copies everything I do”
“why does my sister always want what I have”
“she copies my clothes, my hobbies and even my baby names”
“my younger sister copies me and it drives me crazy”
“my sister copies me and then competes with me”
Questions to carry
- When she copies me, what do I feel I'm losing?
- What did each of us get from our parents by being the one who did it first or best?
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