I say yes and then can't make myself do it
Saying yes and then being unable to do it means agreeing to something, often something wanted, and then hitting resistance once someone is waiting for it. The pull to start fades as the deadline comes closer, and a reminder makes it worse. The person may call it laziness or entitlement. What matters most is whether the drag belongs to the task or to the person waiting for it.
One test helps tell these apart. Picture the same task with nobody waiting for it and notice whether the resistance drops. Then check whether the same drag shows up on dull tasks nobody asked for. A drag that lifts when the other person leaves the picture points to the first four patterns below. A drag that stays points to the last two.
Patterns that could explain it
Fits if pressure makes it harder. Check whether you'd do it if nobody had asked.
The resistance rises with the pressure. A reminder or a deadline from the other person makes it stronger, and the same task chosen freely would feel easy. The drag may lift once the request is dropped or the person stops asking.
Agrees in the room, resists later
Check whether the yes comes fast and the no shows up later as delay.
The yes comes easily in the moment, and the no shows up later as delay, forgetting or a half-finished job. The person may not feel any refusal at all, only a heaviness when the task comes up.
Fits if a direct no feels risky, so the yes keeps the peace.
Saying no out loud feels risky, as if it would bring anger or trouble, so the yes is given to keep the peace. The refusal then comes out in the one form that feels safe, which is not doing it. It may trace back to a home where wants were overruled.
Fits if there's resentment toward the person who is waiting.
There may be resentment toward the person asking, felt or not. The delay lands on them, and it can always be explained as being busy. A small satisfaction when they have to wait may point here.
Fits if the same delay hits tasks nobody asked for.
The delay shows up on many tasks, asked for or not, especially ones that feel unpleasant, unclear or likely to be judged. Starting is the hard part, whoever is waiting.
Insufficient self-control schema
Fits if any dull task stalls, chosen or assigned.
The struggle is with any dull or effortful task, chosen or assigned. Boring work nobody asked for stalls just as much, and the pull toward something easier wins most days.
Close to this
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Other ways people say it
“the more someone pushes, the less I can do”
“I say yes, then delay and delay”
“more pressure, less energy”
“I agree to things and then can't make myself do them”
“why do I resist doing things I agreed to”
“I can't do the task when someone is waiting on me”
“I lose all my energy when someone asks for a deliverable”
“why do I struggle to be accountable to anyone”
“I said yes to a favor and keep putting it off”
“I want it done but something in me refuses”
“I put off things other people ask me to do”
“I promise to do things and then stall”
Questions to carry
- When I picture handing it over early, what do I feel I would lose?
- Which yes this month did I want to say no to?
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