Goes silent whenever sexuality comes up at work
When colleagues joke about a dating app or ask about weekend plans, she looks at her phone or gets up for coffee. Asked straight out if she's seeing anyone, she says "nothing to report" and changes the subject.
Rule out first
A private person who keeps all of life out of work. A culture or faith where sex isn't talked about in mixed company. Jokes that are crude enough that anyone might leave the room.
What could explain it
Concealment stress (hiding a sexual orientation): She has something to hide here and works at it. She tracks what she has said to whom and dreads the office party.
Gay-related rejection sensitivity (Pachankis): She expects colleagues to change toward her if they knew, and scans their faces for it whenever the subject comes near.
Minority stress (Meyer): Something happened before: a slur, a joke about a colleague who left, a manager who went cold on someone. The silence started there.
Covering (Yoshino, after Goffman): People know and she is out on paper. She keeps it out of conversation so people meet her work before her private life.
Social anxiety: She says little in most group talk at work, on any personal subject. Sexuality is one of many topics she sits out.
Hypervigilance: She is watchful at work all the time, startles easily and reads the room long before anyone speaks. The silence is part of a body on guard.
A next move
Notice whether the silence is about this subject or about every personal one. Every personal one points to social anxiety. This one, with something to keep hidden, points to concealment, and with no secret, to covering. Expecting colleagues to turn points to rejection sensitivity. An event that came first points to minority stress. Watchfulness everywhere points to hypervigilance.
If it’s you
Which subject at work do I fall silent on, and what am I listening for when I do?