Can't leave the baby with anyone else
Eight months in, she has not left the baby with her partner or her mother for longer than a shower. When someone else holds him, she watches every move and takes him back within minutes.
Rule out first
The early months, when wanting the baby close is common and feeding can make leaving hard. A real reason: a premature or sick baby, or a caregiver who has been careless before. A family or culture where mother and baby stay together for the first months as a matter of course.
What could explain it
Intrusive thoughts of harm to the baby (perinatal OCD): Unwanted pictures come of harm to the baby: being dropped, choking, being left in a car. She is horrified by them, and staying close keeps them in check.
Birth trauma (childbirth-related PTSD): The birth was frightening, or the baby was taken away for care. Handing him over brings back the moment she couldn't reach him.
Generalized anxiety: The worry spreads past the baby to money, health and the partner's driving. Leaving him is one of many things that feel unsafe.
Grief after miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death: There was a miscarriage, a stillbirth or a baby who died before this one. Letting him out of sight feels like tempting the same loss.
Intensive mothering and intensive parenting (Hays): She believes only a mother can meet a baby's needs properly. Help from others feels like a lesser kind of care, or like failing.
Mistrust/abuse schema: She was hurt as a child by someone who was meant to be safe. She trusts nobody, family included, to be alone with a child.
A next move
Notice what she fears will happen. Unwanted images of harm point to perinatal intrusive thoughts. A frightening birth that comes back when she hands him over points to birth trauma. Worry about everything points to generalized anxiety. A baby lost before points to perinatal loss. A belief that only she can do it right points to intensive parenting. Deep distrust of anyone alone with a child points to the mistrust schema.
If it’s you
What do I picture happening when someone else holds my baby, and where did I learn to picture it?