Stays constantly busy and never mentions the death
A week after the funeral they're back at work, staying late and taking on extra projects. Weekends go on jobs round the house, and nobody has heard them say the person's name.
Rule out first
Practical pressure: bills, children, an estate to sort or a job they can't afford to lose. A family, culture or workplace where grief is kept private. Grieving by doing, which for some people is ordinary.
What could explain it
Intuitive and instrumental grieving (Martin and Doka): They grieve through action: fixing, organizing, building a bench in the person's name. Asked about the bench or the garden, they talk about the person.
Dual process model of coping with bereavement (Stroebe and Schut): Most days are spent on the practical side of the loss, with short private spells of grief they don't show anyone.
Grief trajectories and resilience (Bonanno): A year on they're doing well, with sadness that comes and goes, and they don't feel they're holding anything back.
Workaholism: They worked these hours before the death too. The grief has given an old habit a new reason.
Manic defense: The busyness has a driven, cheerful edge. Stopping brings panic or tears, so they don't stop.
Covert depression in men (Terry Real): Under the activity there is poor sleep, more drinking and a short temper, and a flatness when the work runs out.
A next move
Watch what happens when the doing stops: a holiday, an empty Sunday. Sadness that comes and goes points to resilience, or to grieving through doing. Panic they rush away from points to manic defense. Drinking, poor sleep and flatness point to hidden depression. The same hours before the death point to workaholism.
If it’s you
When did I last fill a day so I wouldn't have to stop, and what was waiting for me when I stopped?