Rejection sensitivity
A tendency to anxiously expect, readily perceive and overreact to rejection. Ambiguous cues are read as rejection and the reaction (hostility, withdrawal, appeasement) can provoke the rejection feared.
What drives it
Protects against the pain of rejection by watching for it, but the vigilance creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. Often rooted in early experiences of rejection by caregivers.
How it shows
Work
Reads a short reply from the boss as a sign of disfavour, upset when not invited to meetings, apologises excessively, overreacts to feedback, may withdraw or snap when feeling excluded.
Relationships
Interprets a partner's tiredness or distraction as loss of interest, seeks reassurance, accuses, or withdraws pre-emptively; the partner feels they are constantly proving their love.
Self
Fast assumption that silence means rejection, physical anxiety when waiting for a reply, and replaying interactions for signs of disapproval.
What tells it apart
Rejection sensitive dysphoria: Rejection-sensitive dysphoria is a popular term linked to ADHD describing intense, brief emotional pain at rejection; rejection sensitivity is the research construct about anticipatory expectation and vigilance.
Anxious-preoccupied attachment: Anxious attachment is a relational style with a core fear of abandonment by attachment figures; rejection sensitivity applies to all social contexts, including colleagues and strangers.
Vulnerable (covert) narcissism: Rejection-sensitive people fear losing connection; vulnerable narcissists fear losing status. After a slight, the first asks whether they are still liked; the second resents being disrespected.
A test
Send a slightly delayed or neutral reply and watch whether the person reads it as rejection.
Questions to carry
- Given a slightly late or neutral reply, what meaning does the person read into it?
- When a message to me goes unanswered for an hour, what do I decide it means?
How strong the research is
moderate. The Rejection Sensitivity Questionnaire predicts relationship conflict, hostility and depression across many studies; effects are moderate and overlap with neuroticism and anxious attachment.
Where it comes from
Geraldine Downey and Scott Feldman, 1996