Everyday sadism
Enjoyment of other people's pain or humiliation in ordinary life, at a level far below criminal violence: cruel humour, trolling, relishing someone's public failure, choosing to hurt when indifference would have done.
What drives it
Provides pleasure, a sense of power and relief from boredom. Useful for identification because it distinguishes those who harm as a side-effect (psychopathy, Machiavellianism) from those who harm because they like it.
How it shows
Work
Humiliates subordinates in front of others and seems energised by it, mocking 'jokes' at someone's expense that continue after the target is visibly hurt, enjoys delivering bad news, retells others' failures with relish, makes people wait or beg. Online, trolling is one of its clearest expressions.
Relationships
Teasing that reliably targets the partner's insecurities, provoking jealousy or fear to watch the reaction, pleasure in winning arguments by wounding, enjoyment of partners' discomfort in sexual or social situations without consent.
Self
Notice whether you feel a small lift when someone you dislike stumbles publicly and whether you replay it. Most people feel some schadenfreude; the tell of sadism is going out of your way to cause the pain.
What tells it apart
Psychopathy: The psychopath harms when it pays; the sadist harms when it is not needed and smiles while doing it. Watch whether cruelty persists when it brings no other gain.
Passive aggression: Passive aggression is indirect hostility from someone who fears direct conflict and often feels guilty; sadism is enjoyed and, in safe settings, openly displayed.
A test
Watch the face and energy at the moment someone else is humiliated: discomfort, indifference or visible pleasure.
Questions to carry
- In the moment someone else is humiliated, what shows in this person’s face?
- When someone I resent stumbles in public, what is the first thing I feel?
How strong the research is
moderate. Lab studies (for example, willingness to kill bugs or punish innocents at a cost) support it as distinct from the other dark traits; the literature is young and mostly self-report.
Where it comes from
Erin Buckels, Daniel Jones and Delroy Paulhus, 2013
Sources
- Roy F. Baumeister, Evil: Inside Human Violence and Cruelty (1997)