Self-discrepancy (ideal and ought selves)
The gap between the actual self and the ideal self (who one hopes to be) or the ought self (who one feels obliged to be). Ideal gaps are linked to sadness and disappointment; ought gaps to anxiety and guilt.
What drives it
It explains why people with similar circumstances feel very different: what matters is the distance from their own standards. It points to the source of the standard, whether personal hope or internalised duty.
How it shows
Work
Ideal gap: a manager who wanted to be a writer and is listless and wistful ('I was meant to do something more creative'). Ought gap: an executive who feels they should be more available to the team and is agitated and guilty about delegating. Both can overwork to close the gap.
Relationships
Feeling like a bad partner or parent compared with the one you ought to be; disappointment that life does not match a hoped-for picture.
Self
Notice whether your low mood feels like sadness (ideal gap) or anxiety and guilt (ought gap), and whose voice the standard speaks in.
What tells it apart
Incongruence (Rogers): Rogers' incongruence is a gap between experience and self-concept, often unconscious; self-discrepancy is a measured gap between self-concepts that the person can report. Ask the person to describe the gap; if they can, it is more likely discrepancy.
Harsh superego (inner critic): The harsh superego is the punitive inner judge; an ought discrepancy is the gap it judges. Look for internal attacks after a lapse, not only the gap.
Regulatory focus (promotion and prevention): Regulatory focus is the strategy for closing gaps; self-discrepancy is the size and source of the gap.
A test
Ask the person to list three things they wish they were and three they feel they ought to be, then see which list carries more emotion.
Questions to carry
- Of the two lists, who they hope to be and who they feel they ought to be, which carries more feeling?
- Whose voice set the ‘ought’ I measure myself against, and how close am I allowed to get?
How strong the research is
moderate. The link between larger self-discrepancies and distress is well supported; the specific prediction that ideal gaps produce dejection and ought gaps produce agitation is less consistent in later studies.
Where it comes from
E. Tory Higgins, 1987.