Invalidation
Communicating that someone's feelings, thoughts or perceptions are wrong, unimportant or illegitimate, as opposed to disagreeing with their conclusion.
What drives it
For the invalidator it removes an uncomfortable feeling from the room. Chronic invalidation teaches the receiver to distrust their own reactions, swinging between suppressing them and escalating to be heard.
How it shows
Work
'You're overreacting.' 'It's just business, don't take it personally.' 'Everyone else is fine with the new structure.' A report that someone felt sidelined is answered with the org chart. Staff conclude it's pointless to raise concerns, and the concerns resurface as resignations.
Relationships
'You shouldn't feel that way.' 'It's not a big deal.' 'Cheer up.' Laughing at fears, changing the subject after a disclosure, comparing ('At least you have a job'). The other person either shuts down or escalates until the feeling can't be ignored.
Self
The urge to correct someone's feeling before you know what it is, and relief once you've talked them out of it. As receiver: 'Maybe I am overreacting', said automatically.
What tells it apart
Gaslighting: Invalidation dismisses your reaction ('it's not a big deal'); gaslighting disputes the facts and your ability to perceive them ('that never happened') and is persistent and self-serving.
Childhood emotional neglect: Neglect is the absence of response; invalidation is an active response that tells you the feeling is wrong.
Cognitive reappraisal: Helping someone reappraise starts by accepting the feeling and then questions the interpretation; invalidation skips the first step.
A test
Check whether the feeling was acknowledged before any disagreement: 'I can see why that annoyed you, and I see it differently' is disagreement; 'You shouldn't be annoyed' is invalidation.
Questions to carry
- Before any disagreement, what was said about the feeling itself, and how was it received?
- Which feelings of other people make me rush to say they are overreacting, and what do they stir in me?
How strong the research is
moderate. Central to Linehan's biosocial theory; links with emotion dysregulation are well replicated, but most evidence is correlational and retrospective.
Where it comes from
Marsha Linehan, 1993 (the invalidating environment)
On the family tree: Marsha Linehan
Sources
- Marsha M. Linehan, Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (1993)