Impression management
The conscious or half-conscious control of how others see you. Jones and Pittman named five strategies: ingratiation (to be liked), self-promotion (to seem competent), exemplification (to seem virtuous), intimidation (to seem dangerous) and supplication (to seem in need of help).
What drives it
It secures resources, status and belonging by managing reputation. Everyone does it; what matters for identification is which strategy they favour, how big the gap is between front stage and back stage, and how they react when it fails.
How it shows
Work
The manager who is charming upwards and curt downwards ('kiss up, kick down'). Detailed stories of personal wins in every meeting (self-promotion). Arriving first and leaving last where the boss can see (exemplification). Loud outbursts that make people tiptoe (intimidation). Helplessness that gets others to do the work (supplication). Watch the contrast between how someone behaves with the CEO present and in a junior-only meeting.
Relationships
A couple who perform harmony at dinner parties and argue in the car home. Social media lives curated for one audience. A partner who is warm in public and cold at home, which confuses outsiders who only see the front stage.
Self
You notice yourself rehearsing what to say, adjusting a story for the listener, or feeling tired after a social event where you were 'on'. The tell is a gap between how you present and how you would describe yourself privately.
What tells it apart
Self-monitoring: Self-monitoring is a trait: how much someone adjusts across situations. Impression management is the behaviour itself, which low self-monitors also do in high-stakes moments.
False self (Winnicott): Impression management is strategic and the person can drop it backstage; a false self is a compliant way of being the person cannot easily step out of, even alone.
Masking (camouflaging): Masking in autism or ADHD is effortful suppression of natural behaviour to avoid stigma; impression management aims to win a specific impression and is usually less exhausting.
A test
Compare how the person behaves with people who can affect their status and with people who cannot; a consistent gap shows strategic self-presentation.
Questions to carry
- How does the person act with someone who can affect their standing, compared with someone who can't?
- Which way of being seen do I work at most: liked, capable, good, tough or needing help?
How strong the research is
strong
Where it comes from
Erving Goffman, 1959 (The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life); Edward E. Jones and Thane Pittman, 1982; Mark Leary and Robin Kowalski, 1990
Sources
- François de La Rochefoucauld, Maxims (Réflexions ou sentences et maximes morales) (1665)
- William James, The Principles of Psychology (1890)
- Erich Fromm, Man for Himself (1947)