Communal narcissism
Narcissism that seeks grandiosity through being seen as exceptionally caring, helpful, moral or generous. The person believes they are the most giving, most trustworthy, world-changing helper, and needs that recognised.
What drives it
Serves the same needs as grandiose narcissism (esteem, power, specialness) by a route that looks virtuous, which makes it harder for others to challenge and for the person to see.
How it shows
Work
Volunteers loudly, publicises their own generosity, frames themselves as the moral centre of the team ('I'm the one who actually cares about people here'), is offended when their help is declined or not credited, makes the charity event about themselves. Help comes with strings and visibility; anonymous help is rare.
Relationships
Over-gives and then reminds you; describes themselves as the best friend or partner anyone could have; helping is a way to be indispensable; hurt and angry if the other person grows independent or helps themselves.
Self
Notice whether the warmth you feel after helping depends on being seen, and whether you feel a flash of irritation when someone else is praised for their kindness.
What tells it apart
Altruism (as a defence): Mature altruism finds satisfaction in the other person's good and does not need credit; communal narcissism needs the audience. Watch what happens when the help is anonymous: the communal narcissist loses interest.
Codependency: Codependent helping is driven by fear of abandonment and low worth, and the person feels drained and resentful; communal narcissists help from a sense of superior goodness and feel elevated.
Spiritual bypassing: Spiritual bypassing uses spiritual ideas to avoid pain; communal narcissism uses goodness to gain status. They often co-occur in wellness and helping professions; ask whether the person is avoiding feeling or seeking admiration.
A test
Thank someone else publicly for a contribution the person also made, and watch whether they can be glad or need to correct the record.
Questions to carry
- When someone else is thanked for help they also gave, how do they respond?
- Whose thanks do I need for my kindness to feel like it counted?
How strong the research is
moderate. The measure (Communal Narcissism Inventory) holds up and predicts self-enhancement on communal traits, but the literature is small and comes largely from one research group.
Where it comes from
Jochen Gebauer, Constantine Sedikides, Bas Verplanken and Gregory Maio, 2012