Socialised mind
Self constructed from the expectations and values of important others and groups. The person can hold others' perspectives but is subject to them: what they think of me is who I am.
What drives it
Gives loyalty, team-mindedness and fine attunement to others. Explains why some able people cannot make an unpopular call or take criticism without feeling diminished.
How it shows
Work
As a leader facing conflicting stakeholders: tries to satisfy everyone, gets pulled apart, or sides with whoever is most senior or most upset ("Let me check with Sarah first"). Criticism lands as injury to the self, prompts reassurance-seeking, and the view held is often the last speaker's. Decisions are framed as finding what the authority wants, or as consensus. Strengths: loyal, reliable, good at executing a clear direction.
Relationships
A partner's mood sets one's own; values track family or community; conflicts of loyalty, partner against parents, are agonising rather than merely difficult.
Self
When two people you respect disagree, you feel torn apart, with no ground of your own to decide from.
What tells it apart
People-pleasing: People-pleasing is a behaviour fear can drive at any order; the socialised mind lacks an internal standpoint from which to disagree even when unafraid.
Conformity: Conformity is situational and appears in anyone under group pressure; the socialised mind is a stable structure that shows in private decisions too.
A test
Ask how they handled a time two respected people wanted opposite things; listen for whether the answer has a self-authored criterion or only the pain of disappointing someone.
Questions to carry
- When two respected people want opposite things, what decides it for them besides who will be disappointed?
- Whose disapproval would make me doubt a decision I was sure of yesterday?
How strong the research is
weak. Measured with the Subject-Object Interview, which shows acceptable inter-rater reliability; research on validity and on how common each order is rests on a small number of small studies, many from Kegan's own circle.
Where it comes from
Robert Kegan, 1982 and 1994; labels from Kegan and Lisa Lahey, 2009; Subject-Object Interview, Lahey, Souvaine, Kegan, Goodman and Felix, 1988
On the family tree: Robert Kegan
Sources
- Robert Kegan, In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life (1994)
- Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey, Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization (2009)